Sometimes I forget what's inside me. I forget about the passions that I have. Maybe it's not forgetting but more hiding them away for a time being.
I was a ballerina for 12 years of my life. I was never a hardcore dancer or a "bun head" as we were all notoriously called. I never had good feet, I actually have flat feet, which isn't conducive to a dancer's life. I was only in classical ballet & really did no other dancing unless it was during a summer workshop or I was in my room in front of a mirror. I finally convinced my Mom to let me quit when I was 16 because I just didn't feel comfortable any more doing ballet. I wanted to do more, but I didn't know how & I was ready to put that life behind me.
Through the years I have dabbled in dance here & there. I tried a modern class in college once, which was very hard to figure out. Once you have taught your body to turn out your feet & everything is about the line your body makes, it's hard to retrain your body to turn in & just be flowy & free. The brain says do this, but the body goes against it. That was the last time I truely danced in a classroom & it was over two years ago.
I know it's in me, I just have to find it again. Once you're a dancer, you will always be a dancer till they lay your body in the earth. The dance & movement is always there. When you hear a beat your body thumps with it. Your arms move with the flow of the rhythm. You never forget what it feels like to pour your heart out in movements & let your body be free.
My favorite kind of dancing is hip hop. I love it so much. But now I stick to dancing in my car or yes, still in my room in front of my mirror. I miss it all a lot. The performances, the freedom. I'm ready to have dance come out of me again.
Title: Tiny Dancer by Elton John