Monday, June 22, 2009

Looking towards the future We were begging for the past Well, we know we had the good things But those never seemed to last Oh, please just last

I got this feeling yestrday like im gonna be stuck here, where I am that is. Sometimes i get this, "Im not going anywhere." feeling with my life. I know that a lot of people get that too. Not that i want t climb the ladder of being successful or anything, yeah can you see me being a CEO! Ha fat chance! Sometimes i feel like it's time for me to move on & i'm ready t go! But then Papa God comes in & says, Nope nope i don't know wha you think your doing but you have a lot more t learn here missy. "Are you sure God?" Ha like i should question Him. There are so many places i do want to go, there are sommany places i want t travel. I think i get it in my mind that it is all gonna be so glamorous & Im gonna be the happiest i have ever been when i get there, to wherever there might be. This feeling comes over me sometimes that I am not gonna make the right choice bout what i am doing right now & then that will screw up what will happen to me down the line. Usually i just live my life day to day, although i think about the future a lot & where i will be.
Do you ever feel like God is going to punish you if you go the wrong way? I know im going t be a missionary( i don't even like using that word) type person, someday & that is what I am here for, it is what i have always wanted to do. But sometimes i have this feeling Iknow that is what God wants me to do, but if i "disobey" him that he will somehow take that away. It is probably one of my greatest fears, that i will not be able t travel & see the world & God won't be able t use me. I'm not sure what the next move is right now. For now I'm just waiting it feels like, wiating for the next big thing to happen, or maybe it will be a suttle ting, I'm not sure.

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